Please don’t use the term “crank the volume” was the last thing I said to IAMRICKSEE before this episode barely started. That’s just a side note. ANYWAY, here we are again, both doing our own rambling “reviewish” thing here. Mine is up top, his is below, click the cut at the end for the rest, which I hope you could have figured out on your own.
Oh hey! It’s starting!
Kids have Michael Jordan rookie cards before he was a rapey douche, or was that some other dude I’m thinking of? Ugh I hate that failed Harry Potter kid’s face. Blahblahblah
The Tale of the Sorcerer’s Apprentice (watch it below, if it behooves you)
Up-close shots so nobody realizes they’re filming in the director’s mom’s basement to save money. He keeps the kids down there anyway. Wow, that classroom looks like my old science class, but I guess it probably looks like every science class ever. The teacher looks like a greased loin of pork.
Oh, young black female, bewildered lost puppy white male, surely the forbidden love only a 90’s kid’s television station could tell. It’s like the Hallmark channel for t
OMG the big plastic snake belonged to a sorcerer! This woman would be good on one of those cable network fake porn shows. Like the soft core kind where the boss cheats on his wife with his secretary but they just keep showing closeups of her legs and blouse with jerk-off noises in the background.
“Don’t be afraid to touch” -Said every woman in a soft core porn on a shitty cable station ever!
Someone is locking… a basement! I fucking called the shit out of that shit. What is this kid doing? what is going on? Why is this episode mostly really tight shots of feet walking in the dark. I don’t give a fuck what a British Knight looks like up close when it steps into a puddle in 1994. I don’t know why any of this is happening. The pork loin is back, her arms look like bratwurst and her fingers are like smooth vienna sausages. People in Oklahoma love those fucking things, they are utterly disgusting. I fucking hate Oklahoma. Ugh. Everything is fried. EVERYTHING! Except the fucking vienna sausages, they eat those fucking things out of the can. Can’t wait to shovel the miniature meat logs into your stupid mid-westernish gaping maw of a mouth. Ugh… what the fuck was happening again?
I think a bunch of Danzig fans just got together to play Yahtzee in someone’s steam room. I think this is how Nightmare on Elm Street started, actually. Wow that thing is so fake. Are You Afraid of the Dark is where children go to die. What the fuck is this shit? The floating head is actually a new level of awful for this show. Holy Shit! I can’t even begin to explain how insane this just got. I WILL POST PICTURES!
Black girl in denim and ole’ pork loin are talking. Great, just what we needed. Oh god, this kid. He looks like he was going to try out for a part in Rumble Fish the musical (for anyone that never read Rumble Fish, just replace that with “West Side Story” which is already a musical. Or what’s that outer one? Oh yeah the outsiders) you have to have seen at least one of those. Fuck.
Now they’re riding bikes up close in the dark, no more British Knights we’ve moved up. This chick doesn’t really do a great job resisting the special education students from kidnapping her in the woods.Ugh Harry Poter is making stupid puns.
I guess they’re just going to drop her off in the steam room. This really is one of the worst episodes of this show. Now we see shadows of people doing things instead of them doing things. Nice hair, fruit loops. I feel like this kid grew up to die in an alley bloated and cracked out on… you know, crack or some shit.
THE MYSITC VAPORS! Hey this turned into a “don’t smoke weed” ad somehow. Jesus, couldn’t Nickeloden do better than this? I mean they had all that slime and puppets and stuff, how did they not know a way to make this more palatable? Clarrisa recreating this whole story in a one-kid show would be easier to watch, even if we had to put up wit Ferguson jerking off behind the curtain all night.
Oh magically everything has ended, much like it always does on this stupid show.v He’s sorry. He’s so sorry. Man, this dude looks like he grew up to be a goonish lesbian. That one woman is dressed for a safari now. and it’s weird that they have the same tattoos the death eaters have in Harry Potter.