I think “Peter” needs counseling… and the animals he fucks do too.

Here is pt. 2 of the latest mistake we made by watching another episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark? With Smeat writer IAMRICKSEE. Enjoy! (Or don’t, we don’t care)

S01E07 -The Tale of the Captured Souls (click to watch the nightmare on the you tubes)

Holy bluish black and white bullshit and creaky shit. I can’t fucking believe I’m doing this AGAIN. I am joining Sarah in the watching of this weird NAMBLA beloved TV eye-abortion. Oh look, pictures being taken of teenagers in the woods. No surprise there. No…you keep the pictures you stupid little FUCKER.

Great…now some talk about the soul. That’s not spooky…or scary. Fuck you. The credits look like shit. I create a better credit role in Adobe. I fucking hate this family so fucking much. Why do people act like this? Why does the whole family have to be black? Because it’s the fucking 80’s or 90’s or whenever this dumb shit came out and diversity is not really a “thing” yet. But I’ll tell you this…this little redneck whiteboy is the rapiest little shit I’ve EVER seen in my god damned too long motherfucking life. And these camera pans and creeper voice and choice of clothing…holy fuck. How in the holy fuck does a hillbilly fuck like this skinny rodenty fucking emu-ass bitch…yo, punch that motherfucker.

bilydeeWhat do I think??? I think fuck you is what I think you fucking kid-killer. I can’t believe this was ok at one time and people pretend to be fucking offended by Miley Cyrus…are you fucked in the head? Ok…let me be straight…this pasty white motherfucker has a lot to say about this little girl’s sports ability, but he’s not “into sports”…what a creeper…and what the fuck is with Lando Calrissian here? Just let your soul glo I guess. This kid is going to kill this whole fucking family. Who the hell stays in the presence of a crazy “Simple Jack” child killery looking fuck as this? Are you insane? You should be ashamed of yourself! You have kids you asshole.

There he goes again. I think this kid is a murderer. I am convinced he’s a murderer. I think the show wants me to believe that he’s a ghost kid whose parents were maybe unfairly taken before their time, but that’s no excuse for the fact that the actual person in this stupid show have cast a motherfucking child murderer for this episode. I look at the screen and I physically fucking hurt. My skin hurts. He is an embarrassment. Not to be mean…maybe the guy who plays this kid is a really nice guy who is also good at looking child rapey and murdery on this show that MTV or Nickolodesomeshit put out…ok…now he’s all “Steve-Baldwinning” it up! WTF is wrong with everyone? Look, people think we are fucked up now, but this was all on regular TV once. Do you even understand what that means? This is ridiculous…and what’s with this Billy Dee Williams dude? Dude…you’re getting older…get over it like the rest of us. Life is short…there’s your horror story. Now go to the party and get laid and be illiterate you ass. He even talks like a shithead version of Billy Dee. I can’t believe this is happening. That kid is a god damned wife beating goat fucker. At least that’s his bloody future.

What in the hell happened to her face? She’s breaking out in a very obvious and disgusting way. I’m not buying this…people are like, just noticing? I don’t believe that. ALERT: NON E OF THIS IS BELIEVABLE AND IT SUCKS!! She broke a mirror…surprise, surprise. What an idiot…her dad I mean. What a fucking dick. No…there is NO ONE living in the TV static.

I think “Peter” needs counseling…and the animals he fucks do too. That graveyard is very fresh looking…I think there is a petting zoo back there…”Pipe down kids! Nickelodeon is taping some creepy future-inducing-victim-culture mentality. I’m glad her parents are dead. Fuck them.

creeper Nice place. Can’t get a place like that these days with the economy what it is.  That attic could be another room! Oh yeah…this shit. Ok, so her hair is weird and this video seems Baldwinny.  I know I said that already, but this is this kid’s version of “Sliver” which is one of the Baldwin brothers’ movies. Whatevs. This graveyard is a joke. It’s literally making me laugh.

I told you this fucking kid was just killing people! This is the PG version of the real story…he staples his dick at night like a sociopath. He’s not crazy darling…he’s going to fucking kill you. She’s got all the time in the world…she’s young! WAIT!

Why is all this happening? I haven’t recognized a single ritual of any kind here…and let’s face it, I know my shit. Wow…what a good painting…you’re not a scientist—you’re a creeper! Now a painting is too much to handle. This show fucking sucks. Numbers counting down, tubes liquidating, parents young again…too young to have kids. You wasted your lives you idiots!

Yeah, let’s just go home…this vacation sucked. Why the fuck is the hillbilly kid killer old now? None of this makes sense. This is why our generation is so fucked up by the way—because senseless, mindless, plotless, devoid of fucking critical thinking dumbassery like this was fistfucking us in the eyes growing up. Oh, they are going to Photoshop that picture later in life, and then, someone will get arrested and broomstick-fucked to death in prison. Way to go, guys.