Hey, it’s another joint “Are You Afraid of Annoying Nineties Kids?” review! (pt 1)

So, IAMRICKSEE and I decided to make poor life choices again and do another Are You Afraid of the Dark? write/watch-along, since I have no idea what to call these. It’s like reading the awful shit streaming out of our heads and onto the screen as the show is playing. We do it as we watch, and the results usually leave us scarred and traumatized. Here’s mine, you’ll find his in Pt 2., above this, you wonky dicktards.

S01E07 -The Tale of the Captured Souls (click to watch the nightmare on the you tubes)

I wonder whose attic they filmed this opening in…

Oh hey guys!  Stupid multi-racial nineties kids having a campfire hootenanny. Ethnic girl #1 tells the story of the tale of blah blah souls blahblah…

Oh jesus, this voice is terrible, it’s the most annoying, stereotyp…. wow, seriously for a second I totally forgot it was the same girl talking when the story started being shown on the screen. I was going to say if the face matches the annoying nineties stereotype girl voice, it’s going to be a painful  fluorescent  green and pink nightmare.

creep3The kid that lived under the stairs in that movie about people living under the stairs is in this. no not the actor, like, the same character. I guess this was before he was locked up by a sado-masochistic old rich couple that wrap their saggy balls in leather and don’t care for them coloreds.

That wallpaper makes me feel weird..

They have shrubs completely surrounding thier swimming pool, what the fuck is the point in that? And this kid looks like a dead farmer from the dust bowl, like, he even looks like he’s in black and white even though he’s clearly in color when you look at him. And he makes weird, pervy faces. He looks like the kind of kid that would cut out eyes of women in magazines then glue the eyes on the nipples of giant-dicked female tranny comics he drew in his diary.

He’s creeper level HOLY SHIT at this point, folks, and the douche chills are strong with this one.  I feel like he’s growing the mini hot dog tree from Big Top Pee-Wee. I hope so. We all hope so.

His room just got all beetlejuicey, it is like tim burton triple-x right now, and this dude is creepin’ hard. He even has pipe organs accompanying his crazy bullshit. I don’t know exactly what he’s doing with all these random pipes and shit mostly because I’m inebriated and not paying total attention but there has been a montage of nothing but pipe organs music, laughing and weird echoes for what seems like an eternity now with no dialogue whatsoever and it feels like I’ve taken every drug known to man all at once.

See, I told you!

See, I told you!

They play ball now, dad feels woozy, is this foreshadowing dun dun dunnnn…  Oh rapey mc1930spants is all angry and dickyfacey. Mom looks like she was in a facial tissue commercial. She just -looks- like she’d be in one of them. She has that look. I don know how to describe it, but you know it when you see it, and I just saw the shit out of it.

Camera hidden in the bathroom so Amish Jeffrey Dahmer can have something to drain his milk jug to. The mirrors are sucking out their lives or some shit, and apparently  your pants get higher the older you get. This girl has been wearing the same thing for three days now. I wonder if anyone noticed. Like any of these characters. Like the stalker kid looking at all the hidden camera footage and thinks about how she always wears that ugly bright ass yellow shirt.

I think this bitch has smallpox or some shit, her face does not look like it’s going to make it -at all-.  Wow, his ears are huge! I wonder what this guy looks like now. I wonder if he’s still alive. Fuck, he doesn’t even look alive in this episode.  I guess he is sucking their lives out through strategically placed mirrors and this collects glowing pink goo into glass tubes in a secret peewees playhouse-esque room where the stalker kid from 1805 lives.

Hey Lionel Richie and his wife are young again! Or as young as Lionel Richie ever could be, and that seems to always be maybe around his late thirties.  WOW her shirt is blue now. Aww his life unsucked out of him and he was an old man, and they leave the house. Blahblahblah she’s trying to tell something with a stupid half assed attempt at a moral.

Annnnddd….. we’re out!