Been a while since I did one of these…

Hey, I'm an ugly whore who won't get better with age!

Haven’t done an Are You Afraid of the Dark? review in a long time, and so I said, hey, I’m going to do one, well, not so much review, these are more… watchalong comments.

S01 E05 The Tale of the Hungry Hounds

Well well if it isn’t the ole’ lesbo gang, hanging out in the woods and blahblahblah. Dun dun dunnnn there’s howling oh nooooo what will they do? Oh they’re still making fun of blondie while simultaneously all lesbo-ing after her. And she’s the storyteller this time around. meh.

Hey this episode stars Mia Kirshner, someone told me I looked like her once, I completely disagree, but it would be kind of cool if it was actually true. There’s an attic with a woman with a white sheet over her head, she must have read that wikihow on how to make a cheap ghost costume. Ahhh she just misquoted Hamlet, that annoys me tremendously. Oh they’re goonie-ing this shit up and finding random stuff in the attic now.

They find an old chest, it can’t be opened, it’s time for dinner, or to feed the dog, or eat it or some shit. Now they look at horses, and she pulls a carrot out of her ass, seriously, she does. She isn’t allowed to ride horses, and her mother is angry about horses, she must have had an uncle turned into glue or something.

Now they’re suddenly playing with a ouija board out in a field, no idea why the board is partly in French, though, but it is. The board tells them they’re annoying little cunts and to stop waking up the ghosts. Her friend has the worst hair cut ever, and she looks like a fifty year old widow. And it also gives the the combination to the chest. 1-4-9 guys, remember that.

The chest seems to have a fog machine in it, and some stuff for bondage night. Now she puts on the clothes and suddenly turns into a whore. It’s weird. This part really seriously makes no fucking sense at all. She walks through a hole in the attic wall, down some stairs to a field, and suddenly they’re in the woods. You know what, fuck this, I went through twelve minutes of hell, and I’m not finishing this. Watch it yourselves, I’m not in the mood for lesbian horse-fucking orgy movies.

Goodnight, fuckos.

ps… new mp3 of the moment up over on the right, particularly spectacular choice this time around if you liked the first Troll movie.