Archive for 12/24/2011

It’s that time again…


Well, I haven’t been posting much these past few months, good thing Krank stepped in to provide you with some warm holiday comfort. Anyway, as per tradition, I present to you the Star Wars Holiday Special, something I have posted at this time every year since forevers. Cheers, jerks. I’ll see you in 2012, when the world ends and spookymeat survives the apocalypse (again). Also, actual posts in 2012, holy fuck, maybe the world really is going to end.

Fucking Viva


okOther than this goddamned incessant scratching, can’t say I really dislike heroin.

And why should I? The entire idea of drug horrors is a long-standing Theological and therefore Governmental hate machine poised on posturing you, the public, the people, the proletariat, the puke, the piss-ants, the populace, from really discovering all that you can experience in life. Take a stroll down any major city street and you can be greeted by the happy, hopeful, hacienda owning members of our society who live freely and without any sort of debilitating, dreadful, drippingstrangefluidswhichproducesmellsandsightsthemindbarelycomprehends whatsoever! Therefore, I propose in this prose to propagate, proselytize, plead and purvey to the young readers that you should take every available measure to do every drug ever envisaged in the history of man. Among the positives of narcotics, we have:

– The only source of income in Afghanistan.
– A spirited race for supremacy in Mexico, resulting in high job turn-over and many opportunities for employment for the young and poor male citizens of both Mexico and the United States.
– A way for under-privileged United States citizens to make their living in a motor home, so long as they have proper ventilation, chemicals, tubes, beakers and handy internet guides.
– The ability to not have to think about how horrible your life is.
– A great way to meet and have sex with unconscious women.
– One time I saw a woolly mammoth wearing a top hat and monocle run through my living room with the broken, mangled limbs of my children hanging limply from it’s mouth. The weird thing was, I don’t even have children.
– The ability to not have to think about how horrible your life is. This is repeated because srsly.
– Near-death experiences are a great ice breaker at corporate events.
– Being a drug addict is a great asset at corporate events.
– I hate corporate events.

is this racist or delicious?Add to this list the fact that as our life expectancies decline, thanks in part to how fucking fat you all are, our economy continues to scream and plead under the ever-increasing burden being placed upon her shoulders, our pensions and infrastructure continue to fade and the foreign devils continue to remind us that they own us, the only thing we can turn to in order to remediate this never-ending hell of a society are vicious, Class-A narcotics! They keep us happy and ostensibly anger the Government!