my eyeballs can’t even focus anymore…

HEY GUYSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS, it’s meeeeeeeeee, Sarahhhhhhhhh, totally here with another review, a week late, and chock full of mutants. Are you people LISTENING???

Joe:
Welcome back to the shitfest that is Spookyhamsandwich’s movie reviews. Today we are reviewing a French film by the name of Nescafe Gold blend. This is an advertisement about deformed people doing palour tricks while molemen plot to steal their chicken feed. The plot makes no sense, but it has mole people, French asians and a sense of justice only matched by men crossdressing in spandex and standing in a line with fireworks exploding behind them. I would recommend you take your coffee with milk, 2 sugars and some biscuits. Rich tea is always a standard issue biscuit and will dunk well, but I think something a bit lighter would suit this one better. Nice biscuits are quite nice and would do the job nicely. As a biscuit expert (aka I know what the word means and eat a lot of them), I would like to encourage more people to use the combo of mole people and biscuits. In fact I’m calling you retards with video cameras out, make a live action film about mole people trying to steal biscuits in a post apocalyptic world and I will buy the collector’s edition DVD. The advert also has some creepy clowns, suicide scenes, fictional mental illnesses and an elephant waving its trunk like a shemale’s cock. I give this film 2 dips of my biscuit and a little shake, then I swallow the whole mess.

Sarah:
This movie had some stuff in it, like panties, cannibals, and French people. It was also a love story between an almost-midget circus clown and a girl with an elongated forehead. This is the kind of movie you watch and when it’s done, you feel like you’ve missed something, even though you haven’t. That feeling starts to creep in around the time the aforementioned sewer-dwelling mole men show up, and doesn’t really end until far after the cannibal butcher throws a boomerang knife and stabs himself in the face. Overall I’d say this movie is perfect for anyone trying to convince others that playing the saw as a musical instrument is awesome. Things are starting to get sort of -outerspacey- now, so I’d better stop typing.