GO! GO! GO!

So we decided to do a special little review that was a little longer than the normal ones. Think of it as a season finale, and while Vampire’s Kiss should truly be the season finale for anything ever (what with being the greatest movie of all time, and all), we changed it up, and bring to you a sordid tale of violent furries and tiny, tiny… er….. dancers?

Joe:
Tiny people VS weird men in costumes is a film far beyond our ability to review. After many hours of meditation and some kinky sex games, we finally sat down to watch this thing together. I must say this movie features an all star cast and the acting is excellent, with the exception of Ron Jeremy, who is for all intents and purposes, a giant cock. The plot in this movie leaves much to be desired and is mostly just there to move from one instance of Gary Coleman being violent to the next.

Having said this, it is an excellent movie that is sure to not disappoint. The antics of the Sherrif and many of the midgets are not to be denied, they would not be out of place at the Royal Albert Theatre or at some kind of intergalatic trial debating the worth of humanity before we were EX-TERM-I-NATED (get it, Doctor who references are so in this season!). I find I quite enjoyed watching a midget try to rape another one of their deformed sub race, it reminded me of last Thursday when I tried to do the same thing to Sarah, we found this extremely difficult because neither of us are midgets, so midget rape may not have been the best wedding gift in hind sight. I would recommend this movie to people who want to watch a movie involving Midgets and Mascots, it is well made, contains some minor incest and many many midgets. I give this movie 5 out of ten, I would give it ten out of 10 but that would imply humanity is worth saving and quite frankly, I don’t think you are.

Sarah:
This movie has midgets and it has mascots. I’m pretty sure the midget the movie sort of centered on was the creepy guy from Twin Peaks, but I second guess that a bit, because that was a long time ago, and I feel like he would have aged a lot more since then. If I actually cared, I’d look it up, but I don’t. In this movie a competition is taking place in which the games are grossly favorable to the mascots side, as there is just no way that the midgets’ very tiny bodies could accomplish the tasks required to score.

As Joe mentioned, it also has a lot of Gary Coleman being Gary Coleman. He basically got paid to just do and say what he’d normally do/say, and have it filmed. I doubt he even knew what the movie was about or read a script, they just stuck him in the scenes and told them to “be himself”. Throughout the movie, the viewer is taken on a beautiful journey, and given the chance to see a lovely relationship blossom between a very small, but weirdly shaped neurotic woman, and a Chinese immigrant homesick for the family he left behind in order to work for a porn star guy that has lots of money and creepy sex. By the end of the film, you’re left having to ask yourself some hard questions. Things like “why did I watch this”, and “what kind of person am I for having downloaded this movie”, and lastly “where does this rank on the creepy scale when compared to dicks being chicken-pecked, guys getting eaten by their cats, and pus bubbles that come to life to fuck your wife”. You’re going to have to look yourself in the mirror and figure out those answers for yourself. Oh yeah, I give this movie four out of ten space bears, just because.

Also, new mp3 of the moment up over yonder —->

Also, also… A plethora of new Spacehax videos are up, this being the latest of the bunch. Come be space friends with us.