Monkey rapes human, evolution prevails…

Hi peoples, look, we have been dutifully updating these every Tuesday, because we care, we care about you. You slimy, dirty chicken fuckers. Sorry about the plethora of reviews with nothing in between lately, I will add more in the coming whenevers, but I am sure you were too busy downloading and watching all of these to be reading, anyway. AAaaannnddd…. here we go:

Alice is a movie about Janet Jackson and her dead animal friends. It starts with a rabbit going on a killing spree and ends with several dead pokemon. Through out the movie many corpses are violated and distorted into hideous represenations of her family members before finally they step up and cut off each other’s heads to stop the plastic surgery abuse. It raised many questions such as ‘Should one man have all that power?’ and ‘Is it okay to encase your child in a full body doll suit to keep her midget sized forever?’. I give this movie 6 out of 13 dead animals and recommend it to furry necrophiliacs.

This is Czech with English dubs, but the lips don’t sync up to either, so that’s cool. This movie is about when good puppets go bad, and how if you’re taxidermied and come back to life, it doesn’t mean you don’t have to eat your sawdust. My favorite part was when the sock caterpillar with dentures and glass eyeballs wanted to sleep and had to sew his eyes shut to do it. I recommend this mostly because I don’t feel like we should have to see all this creepy shit alone, and not necessarily because it’s good, although in this case it was. But keep in mind when it comes to judging the quality of puppets made of meat, denture wearing socks, and angry dead rabbits (with little girl voices) pulling nails out of their paws, the line between good and bad is a bit blurred.