Lost to the zone…

Joe:
S.T.A.L.K.E.R. is an interactive entertainment extravaganza, based on the amazing novel by some Russian cock with a drinking problem. You start the experience watching a brief sequence where a large truck is run off the road and a man named Strelok is sent to kill himself because of a fuck up by Science. Strelok then proceeds to spend 20 hours figuring this out by which point he has already entered the nuclear reactor of Chernobyl NPP so killing himself is pointless. Along the way he meets many people and viciously murders them to take their belongings. I would recommend you have a reasonably good PC to watch this action packed multimedia package and use at least a 2 button mouse to interact with it. I would not recommend masturbating to pictures of your girlfriend wearing a gas mask and pouring vodka down her ugly saggy tits. This interactive internet solution package receives 9 out of 4 hardcores. Love to the S.T.A.L.K.E.R. massive, you guys are so hardcore I added an extra line for you. (That’s a cocaine joke, it makes me seem cooler than my white middle class roots would imply skanks).

Sarah:
Some guys want wishes granted, but I don’t remember what they want, so let’s just say guy1 wants a mansion made of golden pineapples and guy2 wants a dick that can suck itself. The keymaster knows where the wish granter is, and brings them there, but then thinks nobody should get wishes granted and wants to blow it all up, but the people who want the wishes granted decide they will just sit outside wish granter and not bother with it even though there’s no reason for them to change their mind. Keymaster is seriously fucking depressed about life and shit like that and then at some point they lie in a field and trip on crazy Russian drugs for the majority of the film. I don’t think you should watch this movie, but I feel like you need to see it anyway.