Why I probably hate you: The everything you like is stupid edition.

So, here I am again, with another “Why I probably hate you” update. I was meaning to write a new one for a while and every time I try to figure out what to write about, I just repeatedly come to the same conclusion: I hate too many things to figure out what the fuck to make the subject about. Maybe I don’t always hate so much stuff, but lately my patience and tolerance is at such an all time low that everything is stupid and greasy. Here goes:

1. Lady Retard Gaga- How does nobody see she is just a one person incarnation of Insane Clown Posse? She has the exact same M.O., and it’s so fucking transparent and retarded. She calls her fans little monsters, she calls herself, well I don’t know what, but something like mother monster, or queen monster, or some stupid shit. The point is, you assholes are the new juggalos, you traded in your retard face paint for uncomfortable shoes and glittery sunglasses you can’t see out of. You’re not a special little snowflake, you’ve been swallowed by a collective of idiots crying in their pillows because the only people they think understand how they feel is a chick in a leotard banking on your stupidity, and a crowd of sniveling morons that think they look good with meat stapled to their face. Get a fucking clue.

Lady Gaga and Insane Clown Posse Fans, a match made in retard heaven.

So, everything I wrote up there was done on pain killers, while I passed out every couple of minutes, my head at risk of going smash into my keyboard, until I finally just passed out. It’s always amusing to look back and see what I wrote in my passy outyness, since I do not remember. AAAAAAnyway, I guess it’s time for two…

2. Black Swan- I realize I am a bit late talking about this god awful piece of crap, but since everyone seemed to have been obsessed with omg just how scary this was, whatever the fuck, writing about it anyway. I am convinced that the movie was only popular because of the five minute lesbian seen that takes place between Queen Amidala and Family Guy girl. Take that part out, and you got nothing. Amadala, yet again, does what she does best, portrays herself to be the most boring person on the fucking planet. The most monotone, unemotional acting since that plant by the cash register of Chotchkies in Office Space (which was still better).

And the award goes to...

3. Saying “EPIC”, “WIN”, “MOAR”, “FAIL”, etc…- You’re all idiots, someone says something, it spreads across the internet like a rapidly mutating std, and there you are, once again, ready to join the masses in a collective pool of jackassary. Why attempt to make yourself sound even more unintelligent than you already are, anyway? You’re clearly a moron, fucking stop with the stupid internet talk. This is how it starts, then things like “lol” end up in the dictionary, kids start forgetting how to spell words without adding numbers to them, and finally the human race goes extinct because while they were all trading pictures of cats on their Dells, self-aware monkeys snuck in the back door to rape your parents and enslave us all. fucking stop it.

4. GLEE- I am almost positive there hasn’t been a day that has gone by, for months, that I haven’t had to hear about Glee this or Glee that from someone. Truthfully, I’ve never seen it and know nothing about it other than it’s about singing gay people, for the most part, but whatever the case, I am FUCKING SICK OF HEARING ABOUT IT. Since I know nothing about the show, I’m just going to wing it, not sure how close I’ll get, but fuck, I’ll just base my assumptions on what I know, and dislike, about the general public and all their stupid interests, I imagine it will be easy to extrapolate just what you retards want, so here goes:

Ragtag group trying to make it to the top, some struggle with who they are *inside*, wanting to singsingsing, but scared of what others will think, someone has a crush on someone else, but oh, can’t tell that person because of some stupid reason, but awww so cute, and awww omg I hope they totally hook up as a season finale, omg that would be like so fucking amazing, god I *LOVE* them as a couple *blush*. At some point they compete or whatever the fuck glee clubs do, and fail and they’re all “srsly, guys, I am so down in the dumps and disappointed and whywhywhy” and someone is all “hey, we’re better than this, stfu, remember what mama gaga always says, keep your head up or some shit like that and stereotype stereotype, we can do it guys ferreals!!!”, and then “yay we’re the best and we’ll prove it”.

This pterodactyl/human hybrid has nothing to do with the update.

At some point something *dangerous* goes on, like someone gets attacked or I don’t even fucking know, or someone is jealous and pissed, or someone freaks out and there’s a gun or a knife or fistacuffs and everyone is all crying and nervous and begging for it to stop and the person is shaking and stupid and wah wah don’t know what to do, such a confused little bitch, and awww everyone is so hard on him/her and makes fun of him/her. Of course it ends mostly ok, but in my version he shoots everyone in the face, gets a hot glue gun, glues all their faces together, and shoves speakers in their throat holes that are playing angry Norwegian black metal songs, the gay dude rips his shirt off, has a studded leather bra on, starts singing to the music, smears the blood from his hands on his face, stares up at the sky, and is finally okay with who he really is (that seems too much like a reference to my number 1 on the list). Ahhhh. Glee. You fucking suck, and I didn’t even know you.

5. Inception- I was going to write a whole update on this terrible movie when I first watched it, but I would have had to go over it again in order to do so, and I did try, but after five minutes, the terrible came rushing back and I had to shut it off. Once again, totally late on this, but it was terrible enough for me to feel the need to slap your grubby little hands and ask you just what the fuck you were thinking. This movie was so popular, after it was done, I questioned whether or not I had missed the thing about it that made it incredible in the first place. Well, I didn’t. I guess everyone else just missed all the things about it that made it an unwatchable piece of garbage. This was a mess of ideas that all had no point or ending, pasted together and slapped with a Leonardo Dicaprio sticker to spark the interest of viewers. Leonardo would have been better taking up a role in Titanic 2 (yes it does exist), than having appeared in this terribly written fanfic. Once again, I think the internet had a role in making this popular; one retard liked it, talks about it, uses the words “win” and “epic”, adds some pictures of cats, and all of a sudden everyone loves it. This is why I hate all of you.

The. End.