Hey, are you afraid of the dark?

WELL, are you?!!?

So, I just happen to have all seven seasons of “Are You Afraid of the Dark?”, and have decided to start a new section here on smeat reviewing as I go through all ninety-something episodes of this, sometimes painful to watch, series. I’ll write as I watch, and perhaps you will suddenly feel the urge to start your own Midnight Society. You ready? *cues eye of the tiger music*

s01e01 The Tale of the Phantom Cab:
Episode one starts with the introduction of the group members, and Frank’s induction story. Buzz and Denny are brothers who are actively getting lost in the woods like morons. Buzz is a walking stereotype, backwards hat, perma-scowl on his face, and a sleeveless denim shirt D: The shirt makes me hate him immediately, what a fucking dick.

Denny books it and Buzz follows him, perma-scowling all the way, threatening to “pound” his brother. Ooooh a light in the fog, could this imply danger is on its way? NAH, it’s totally normal and safe, kids, just talk to him, no killers this way. “Farther than you know, my friend, farther than you know”, is his money line. Go fog stranger, go!

Fog stranger leads them to “someone who could help”, who happens to be someone quite smilar to Hagrid; his house is pretty much identical. Hobbit Hagrid guy is called the doctor, at least is what fog stranger calls him right before he disapears, which for some reason, is in no way weird to either of the kids. Laughing, moaning, vibrating shrubbery is a bit troubling to them, though, so they decide to take their chances with doctor hagrid hobbit in order to get out of the woods.

So, Doctor Vink (that’s his name, folks!), studies plants, kidnaps children, and also LOVES riddles, which the boys have to answer. Here they are if you’re interested:

Riddle Time with Doctor Vink:

1. How far can you walk into the woods?

2. What is it that has no weight, can be seen by the naked eye, and if you put it in a barrel, it would make the barrel lighter. (easy one, Doctor Vink, you suck)

Ok, so Denny fucks it all up by not getting the second riddle, turning Doc into an angry, hairy creeper. He wants to cut off one of their hands, or take out one of their brains, which makes them run the fuck out of there and back into the woods.

welcome to the gang, fuckface!

At this point a disheveled taxi comes tumbling through the woods and picks them up. Again, they see nothing wrong with getting into the vehicle, which looks like it was just pulled out of a swamp and dried off with muddy towels. OH HEY LOOK IT’S FOG GUY, nice way to wrap this shit up, AYAOTD, we’ve come full circle. Fog guy divulges that he is actually dead, proves this to them by turning his head all the way backwards, and shows them his hand is missing because the doctor took it. Probably information that would have been more useful when he was the guy who told them to see the damned doctor in the first place.

So taxi guy is pissed and decides he wants to drive them all into a tree, the only thing that will make this not happen is solving that last riddle, which Denny finally figures out right before impact, and starts screaming “A HOLE A HOLE A HOLE A HOLE”, which, of course, was the correct answer.

The cab disappears, they don’t hit the tree, Buzz hugs Denny and acts all happily ever after with him, a guy in a truck comes to save them, Frank’s story gets him into the Midnight Society, and that, my friends, is the first episode.

3 Responses to Hey, are you afraid of the dark?

  1. Sarah says:

    He just wants to fit in, Rose, he just wants to be like everyone else.

  2. Rose says:

    Yeah. That dude was an A hole

  3. Sarah says:

    If you’re an asshole and can’t figure it out, the answer to the first riddle is halfway, after that, you are walking out of the woods. *gasp*

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