Archive for 08/08/2009

Why I Probably Hate You: The Internet Edition


Holy shit it’s been a while, hasn’t it? Not just since the last update, but since the last time I wrote a “why I probably hate you” thingy. So let’s stop fucking around and let’s begin:

1. Your main email account is still @aol or @yahoo. Listen, folks, grow up, ok? Seriously, get a gmail account and get a life. If you want to announce to the whole world that you aren’t a computer savvy geekazoid, then telling them you have an email address at crappy yahoo or aol is a good way to do it. And I’m sure it is posted proudly right next to the rotating “contact me” animated gif at the bottom of your angelfire homepage, too, isn’t it? ISN’T IT!??!

2. lolcats. I almost seizured just writing that “word” (see that was irony, right there, me putting “word” in quotations when I just used a word that isn’t a real word just four words before that). Seeing pictures of your cats with stupid captions spelled as horrendously as you spell is not funny. Not even remotely funny. Stop sending me emails with these pictures, in fact stop sending emails to anyone with these pictures. You’re only propagating a problem that needs to be put to an end.

3. 2 girls 1 cup. No, I am not going to say what you think I am going to say. I don’t have a problem with the video itself, I have a problem with all the people that talk about the video. I am tired of hearing about how gross or creepy or fucked up this video is and how it made you so sick and blahbalbablab. Listen, I don’t care what these two girls were doing or how gross it was, if you’ve had the internet long enough to remember what a dial-up modem sounds like, then you already know they don’t have shit on the Japanese and their creepy ass fetishes. Fuck, no matter how much puke, shit, or dead bodies are involved, they still do not come near as creepy to me as some Japanese porn. There are people in this world that find “2 girls 1 cup” arousing; yeah it’s gross, but whatever. There are people that think this video is arousing. Horrifying and unacceptable.

On a side note, I have to say there was one thing that came out of it that I did enjoy. Some guy’s comment on someone “reacting” to the video:

short and sweet.

4. commercials. Okay, you might not know this if you don’t have a website, but godaddy sucks. I have had my share of registrars/hosts over the years (and have been kicked off of several of them) and I can tell you that godaddy is by far the WORST ever. They make everything needlessly more difficult to accomplish. Their website is full of so much random shit it takes me at least a half hour to find what I am looking for. And even if it is the same thing every time, I still can’t find it. And no, it isn’t because I am retarded, or because there are microscopic, spiral-shaped bacterium eating my brain, but because they fucking move shit around so god damned much. So now there are girls with giant racks bouncing around on their commercials talking about how much they love godaddy. Nobody is going to believe that, and nobody is going to believe those girls even know what a “registrar” is. And when the hell did buying a website become something that needed to be advertised on television?

5. People complaining about what other people are doing on social networking sites. Listen, if you’re on myspace or facebook or, don’t post bulletins and blogs and comments about how you are tired of not getting comments or emails or blablalbl and that you are going to erase people off your friends, etc… Like it fucking matters. And then the best part, to message you back if they don’t want to be erased. Who the fuck cares if you erase them… and why the fuck do you care, anyway? Oh no, someone isn’t keeping up with their implied duties of being your friend on myspace. Oh no. And since a phone doesn’t exist anymore, and you’re too lazy to send a telegram like the rest of the fucking world does, I guess you are screwed.

Don’t leave me a bunch of comments about how you still use yahoo mail… just email it to me, instead; GMAIL can filter that shit out.