Dear Sarah,

Why is it that you haven’t updated Spookymeat in such a long time? I mean seriously, it has been over a MONTH now, and still NOTHING! Every morning I wake up thinking that today is going to be the day, the day when I go to my shiny Commodore 64, turn on the burning hot monitor, and see a brand spanking new update staring me in the face. And every day I am completely let down. I don’t know what it is with you high-status website writers, thinking you can just update whenever you want, but I’d like to tell you that if it wasn’t for us readers- you’d be NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING!

Where exactly would you be without us anyway? You’d just be writing your stupid crap for your stupid self. You’d get up every morning and go smile at your hit counter of “1”, and laugh at your stupid jokes, then pat yourself on the back right before you go cry yourself to sleep in the shower. That’s exactly what you’d do and don’t you even try and deny it! You like to pretend that you are above us all, but the truth is that you need us just as much as we need you. You know what, though, maybe this is just the wake up call you needed… Maybe the idea of looking into your computer one day and not seeing a million faces smiling back at you scares you to death- I hope it does. It should. Because that’s what is going to happen if you keep this shit up.

I’m tired of giving you the benefit of the doubt… I’m tired of believing in you, when the truth is that you are never there for me when I need you. Since your lack of updates I have started hitting the bottle again pretty hard. Yeah, you can thank yourself for that one, honey. You haven’t answered any of my emails and I’ve been taking that out on my girlfriend. She hasn’t been able to figure out why she has to have the shit kicked out of her every time I come out of the office, but since she can’t read she’ll never figure it out, either. All this shit could have been avoided had you not been such a cold-hearted, ghost of a friend. You really are a stupid bitch.
I know we don’t really know each other in “real life”, but I really am someone you can call a friend. I know this seems a little fucked up but the truth is I just miss you and want you to come back to me. My life isn’t an easy one and your website is the only real thing left in this cruel, cold world.

Spookymeat Fan #1