Archive for 06/25/2007

the long-awaited laser disc update…


Did you ever notice how things go out of style, then re-emerge years later and become the new ground breaking trend of the year? SO many things are like this, nowadays. Look at tight jeans (gross), Transformers, and Rob Roys. Anyway, I made a decision, the decision to be on the cutting edge, to be the trend setter… FUCK what everyone else is doing. People are going to see me and wonder why they weren’t doing this shit themselves. Anyway, what I am talking about is my extensive laser disc collection.

Walls and walls full of all the classics! Citizen Cane, The Star Wars trilogy, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, starring film star Chevy Chase; all the good stuff. Of course these things are fucking huge, so they take up a good deal of space, but that’s ok just as long as I have more than you do, and I assure you, I DO! If I watch long movies, though, things can get a bit steamy in here, so I keep a bucket of ice on top of the player which needs to be changed about every twenty minutes. This isn’t so bad because it’s where I keep all the absinthe I drink. Yeah, I like my absinthe nice and cold and slowly getting warmer (if I catch it about ten minutes before the twenty minute ice-change).

Anyway, by means of an out of the country electronics manufacturer, I was able to get my hands on something that laser disc enthusiasts everywhere have only dreamed of. The portable laser disc player. FUCK THIS THING GETS HOT! -Segue- But so does your girlfriend when I’m racing past you down the highway, ZING!. Anyway, this thing has been a dream come true. The picture quality is astounding. I take it with me everywhere. I also take some dry ice along as well, just to make sure nothing ignites whilst I’m on the go. Can’t be stopping every ten minutes for flaming laser discs, who the fuck wants to be bothered with shit like that, anyway? Besides, better safe than sorry, son (ten points for alliteration).

As with any electronics savvy consumer such as myself, I like to have some variety. I didn’t think it would be very economical of me to carry around a bunch of discs and their cases on my back in a milk crate. So instead I constructed a holder sleeve much like the one pictured here, except that it’s FUCKING HUGE. Oh well, no pain, no gain. That’s what we laser disconians always say. It’s a good way to bring them when I’m on the go, and the best part is that it even attaches to the visor of my car. Of course this is a bit of a problem if I actually want to drive my car, but it’s not so bad if I am just sitting in it to watch a movie. One movie fucking destroys the car battery, so I have to limit it to twenty minute increments. Once again, this isn’t much of a problem for movies that have excellent beginnings. For example, Cheech and Chong’s Up In Smoke has one of the best movie beginnings of all time. Since I got my portable laser disc player, and laser disc visor caddy, I’ve seen the beginning of that movie sixty-seven times (over a four month period). That’s pretty great. Especially for impressing my friends with my uncanny, word for word, movie reciting abilities (after twenty minutes they want me to shut up, so they never really know that I haven’t seen the rest of the movie).